1. |
...And It Gets Worse
02:20
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i've been having dreams
and they get weirder, and weirder, and weirder
i've been hatching schemes
and they get harder, and harder, and harder
i've been having fears
and they get bigger, and bigger, and bigger
i've been shedding tears
endless supply of water, of water, of water
i've been staying up
until 3 AM 4 AM, sunrise
and i can't shut up
talk non-stop for hours, and hours, and hours
pace around the room
walking in circles, and circles, and circles
my brain goes bad
bite inside: it's sour, it's sour, it's sour
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2. |
Cabeza Basura
02:42
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maybe they were right
about everything
did not hear it
but i still felt the sting
anxious about
how i present myself
also anxious
about everything else
my mind's a machine
held together by rubber bands
and it's emitting steam
from the bottom of a garbage can
skipping the meds
i'm sick of how i feel
wonder if i'll
lose track of what is real
stupid, reckless
it's true, but it'll admit
feeling alive briefly
is worth it
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3. |
Mad Libs 2020
01:50
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next time that you'll probably see me
will be at a wedding or a funeral
i don't know whose but there's a
long list of people who we both know
and when we see each other there
you'll get a subtle nod from across the room
i'll be curious as to how you're doing
but i still won't want to talk to you
and if you feel inclined
to get into my line of sight
i won't look you in the eye
when i tell you... i've been alright
next time i'll probably be happy
will be at my wedding or my funeral
and if there's something after death
i'll do my best to send out a signal
that i'll be eternally afraid of you
and what you stood for in my life
but you can never forgive a symbol
and you'll always be one in my mind
and if, by chance, your time
does come before mine
my eyes will not be dry
but i'll be alright
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4. |
I Wanna be Yr Cat
01:53
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i wanna be your dog
scratch that
i'd rather be your cat
you'd still own me
and i won't dispute that
be free to lay around and just get fat
i want you to take care of me
but i want the freedom to be lazy
i'll take your affection when i need it
but you'll have to pick up my
i wanna be your love
but that's not fair
so let me be your chair
you'd still own me
and i'd always be there
no responsibilities for me to bear
i want you to rest on me
whenever you feel lazy
motionless, no thoughts inside
comfort, silence ---
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5. |
||||
i'm sitting by myself
in a hole i fell
into so unwell
i wish it was quiet down here
company's the dirt
and everything hurts
my thoughts come in spurts
i wish things were as they appeared
i'm standing in a room
feel like leaving soon
something bout the moon
it feels like forever ago
all the people here
they have no idea
but it's very clear
it goes fast. but then it goes slow
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6. |
Obviously (interlude)
01:08
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poem: the white room by charles simic
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7. |
Aphantasia
01:40
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when i close my eyes
i don't see anything
just blackness and nothingness
it's all the same
and i heard you can picture
anything you can think of
i wish that my mind
worked that way
so i could see what it'd be like if you stayed
when i close my eyes
i don't see anything
not even a shape
or a color of hope
and maybe if i could see
these images more clearly
it would make my life more easy
and i'd be able to cope
and maybe escape from the end of my rope
when i close my eyes
i don't see anything
it's as if i'm just staring
right into the void
and i feel a little left out
like i'm resigned to the blackness
like an undeveloped polaroid
but my imagination won't be destroyed
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8. |
Silent Movie
01:44
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you probably wrote poetry
about the stars on my ceiling
and how the represent
whatever you were feeling at the time
like maybe the perceived emotional distance
between you and me
as we lay in bed together
wrapped in each others' arms
not saying anything
your probably daydreamed about
slapping me across the face
just so i'd acknowledge you
standing in that place
you'd imagine the red mark
that you'd leave upon my cheek
all while not saying anything
you probably felt as if
the only way
to get me to feel anything at all
would be to stray
and keep company with all these people
i don't like or know
it'd be three in the morning
and you'd just be getting in
and i'd just be
not saying anything
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9. |
Page 165
02:43
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i've never been
responsibly in love
it's like a passenger train
i jump in front of
you say it's designed
by some god above
but then i replied
that enough is enough
king solomon said
that all under the sun
is meaningless
it cannot be undone
i learned that when
i was so very young
maybe that's why
it's easier to run
i heard a girl
at a party say
that she was tired
of playing these games
whoever cares less wins
she sounded okay
what is it about power,
that the lack of it makes us stay?
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10. |
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